Snail Facts

1. The largest land snail ever found was 38cm long and weighed 900g.
2. Some snails have been known to live up to 15 years.
3. The fastest snails are the speckled garden snails which can move at speeds of 55 metres per hour compared with 58cm per hour of most other land snails.
4. Snails are hermaphrodites, which mean that they have both male and female reproductive organs.
5. Snails cannot hear.
6. Garden snails evolved from sea snails about 600million years ago.

Husband & Wife

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......."

Wonderfull Designation of Offices

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a
baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver
a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine
babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby
even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman;
they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is
delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS
to produce a baby.

Sick Leave Policy

TO
ALL EMPLOYEES

SUBJECT - SICK LEAVE POLICY

SICKNESS:
No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

AN OPERATION:
We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH:
Other than your own:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Your own:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

ALSO:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.

We appreciate your cooperation,
THE MANAGEMENT